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 Dear Elizabeth, Hayden comes here to write journal stuff
Tanuki
 Posted: Dec 18 2016, 05:12 PM
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Fall 10th, 19xx (Entry #1)
(Tagging you in these entries Ethergreen)


There was a time where Hayden thought that she understood how men worked, and it had all been pretty straight forward. A lot of them were after the same thing, and had she never settled down it would have been just fine with her. Things were never meant to happen like they did in movies and those three in the afternoon soap operas. No, it was so much easier than that. That was until she had met Eugene. He managed to turn everything she had thought she knew about men upside down. And yesterday had made her realize that she didn’t have everything as figured out as she thought she did. It was a cloudly Saturday afternoon, from what she knew the chance of rain was high. But she was out here at the lake anyway, Rusty dutifully at her side as she usually was, tail wagging frantically as her tongue lolled to the side.

Hayden found a place to settle quickly, and took the blanket she had taken from the house out of the basket on her arm and spread it on the ground. She found it relieving to be alone after yesterday’s revelations, but she also wished that she had her mother’s guidance now more than ever. Sure, Hayden had been interested in dating before her mother had died, but there was never really an instance where she needed advice as much as she did now. There hadn’t been anyone that she cared about that much. And now that there was, she wasn’t there anymore.

She sat down on the blanket, plump little Rusty settling in as her side as she placed the basket down in front of her. Sometimes, she wondered if her mother had somehow predicted all of this. She knew that was a silly thought (after all, her mother had often reminded Hayden to make sure to take her along when choosing a wedding dress), but the things she had left behind sometimes amazed her. She drew a soft yet ragged breath as she removed a gorgeous brown journal from the basket. It was old and worn, delicate at that. But the etched designs were still as defined as ever, illuminating her mother’s fascination with butterflies from her teens and onward.

There were many things written within the pages of this old thing, and Hayden ran a hand across it delicately. Her mom had started keeping a journal from the day she had started dating Luke, Hayden’s father. Though she found she had less time to write in it the more the years went by, there were many entries about their life together and their family.

And Hayden delicately placed the journal at her other side, and pulled out a final item set from the basket, a pen and another newer and much more Hayden-like journal. She didn’t know how far that they’d go from here, she didn’t know if they’d have a future together that was quite like her parents, but Hayden had decided to do just what her mother did. She’d come here to write when she needed to, and about her experiences with Eugene.

It was strange to think about, since they hadn’t exactly stated anything official, but it was hard to see her with anyone else at this point in time. Were outright labels even really that important? Hayden looked down at the journal’s first, clean page, thinking about what she should write about.

QUOTE


Dear Elizabeth,

I gave you this name in some silly hope that maybe my mom would hear these words, give me some kind of sign. I know it's very likely that won't happen, but I hope you don't mind if I call you that anyway. I wish I had prepared myself more, knew what to write, but the truth is I didn't think ahead about this at all. But after reading the first entry of mom's journal, I thought maybe she had a good idea, you know?

I feel like I've had things under control since I left Westhaven. I know how to keep myself in check, I know what I should be doing and why, but sometimes I sort of...lose sight of that. It happened very rarely back then, but ever since Eugene came to the Valley, it's been one hell of a ride. You think I'm kidding? I haven't changed facial expressions so much since I was 20. I've been happy, sad, angry, excited, you know, all those fun emotions.

But yesterday that all kind of melded together. Anger and Sadness faded out. He kissed me and...I don't know. I guess I could be sappy, but I think I'm still more in shock than anything else. There's so many people that are better than me, and he chose me anyway. But what do I do now? Now that he knows, now that I know, what do we do next? I've never had feelings like this. It's sort of like he's repeatedly hitting me with a bat and then asking me if I'm okay, but the bat only hurts sometimes.

Okay, so that was a really stupid analogy. I'm not as poetic as you were, give me a break. I wish you could tell me what I should do now. Am I supposed to trust myself not to mess up, or is messing up normal? Please give me some input because I have no idea what I'm doing.

Love,
Hayden





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Tanuki
 Posted: Jan 6 2017, 09:28 AM
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Fall 15th, 19xx (Entry #2)
(Ethereal)

QUOTE

Dear Elizabeth,

You always said watch what you say before your words come back to haunt you. Well, you said a lot of things, but that was something I don't think that I ever truly understood until today. Today, Eugene and I had a fight. It's not like it was anything devastating, it was over his lunch. I know, it's only once a day and I don't even use that many eggs, but at the same time I've become a little concerned it may harm his cholesterol eventually.

But you know that's beside the point. Today I nearly threatened our relationship. I know, it sounds stupid, and it was, but I wasn't even thinking about what I was saying, you know? It just formed at the tip of the tongue even if that was the last thing I'd ever want to do. You and dad fought, said things you didn't mean, I know. But did you ever have that moment where you became scared of your own words?

I looked back and the look on his face, even when I hadn't finished the sentence. It hadn't mattered that I caught myself, he knew what I meant. Itris I never want to say that again, even if I don't mean it. And you know why?

Eugene can be impossible, he can be rude and sure, he even compared me to a person who had to do something at the snap of his fingers, but you know what? I care about him. And I never want to be the cause of a look like that if I can help it.

Love,
Hayden

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