" have you ever had a dream that you... um... "
JOINED: 8-July 15
Rep: 45 pts
Gavin L. ShawSATURDAY SUMMER 6, YEAR TWO • AFTERNOON • SALUZZO, ITALY
"Someone once (I forget who it was) said, "Do not think so much, you can't hear what your heart says.""
He'd been gone for quite some time now. More than a season, if anyone had been keeping track of the time, because Gavin definitely had.
He'd left a season ago with Dani, then, two weeks later, he'd left Dani as well. He hadn't been able to explain to her why he'd needed to go his own way, only that he knew he'd needed to. It didn't matter if he couldn't explain it, because Gavin was tired of relying on explanations. He felt the reason, and that was good enough for him. Feeling the reason had given him the confidence he'd needed to take his suitcase and head to a different platform.
It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Dani because he did. He appreciated everything she'd done for him ever, particularly in the last few seasons where he'd needed her the most and where, consequently, he'd relied on the her the most, but it was that which Gavin wanted to stop doing. He wanted to not only stop relying on Dani, but to also stop relying on everyone. That was one of his problems, wasn't it? He relied too much on other people for his happiness, and that was why he'd been suffering for so long, because he was the only one who could bring himself to happiness. He understood that now, and Gavin knew this was the only opportunity he was ever going to have to start changing how his life was panning out. He couldn't take the sadness any longer.
And so, just like that, he was gone and alone. He was alone, but not lonely, and Gavin knew that was the case because he knew that was the case because he knew what loneliness felt like. It was like hunger, only worse, because it gnawed away at his insides even when he was surrounded by others. Sometimes, it would keep gnawing even if he was with somebody he loved.
Instead, Gavin realised what he felt was freedom. He was in different places all the time where nobody knew who he was and, more importantly, nobody cared who he was. He flitted about from place to place, going wherever he wanted to go without feeling guilt that he was superimposing. There were still days where he felt low, of course, and Gavin spent those days in the only way he knew how to - by curling up underneath the covers of his bed and refusing to come out until the storms had passed. Those days were rarer now, however. His days were ones happier than he'd had in a long time.
He was gone now, gone from Ioana, and though he'd intended to return, a point proven by the numerous drafts he had of an apology to Kythaela, now Gavin wasn't so sure he ever wanted to return when being gone felt so freeing.